being 31

So I'm 31 today.

And I'm not liking this japanese google keyboard.

because it doesnt auto capital letter my typing.

anyways, we'll leave the android bashing for another time.

was thinking about what i've been missing since i got married and had azad. mostly being selfish to myself writing this.

i miss lying on my single bed, doing stuff on my pc like watching animu, playing games, listening and making weekly vocaloid lists; basically wasting time on my bed, snugged comfortably under my comforter with the aircond running at  at least 8 hours a day.

i miss staying in the house, not having to go out on weekends, although being bored most of the time.

i miss being miserable with the amount of FEELs that you can get from stories or just by listening to good music.

i miss being lost in time doing something that i'd find myself lost into.

i miss being disconnected from the world.

i just mentioned to the other online guys that i felt i was left out because they were doing stuff that i wasnt (read: xiv).

one of them retorded:
ko ada life.
pi continue life ko.

but you can't summon ifrit or cast holy in life yo.

nor can you jihadist c4 a whole squad.

all-in-all, i think i just miss the feel of being so useless, selfish, not caring and disconnected from reality.

now being 31, i'm trying my best at being responsible.

responsible to my wife, my child, my future, and ultimately, to myself.

being responsible for me means that many sacrifices need to be made. i'm sure my wife has made many sacrifices compared to me since we've been married, even moreso since we've had azad.

i sometimes feel that i haven't given enough to my family. one of those inferiority complexes, maybe.

i still try my best tho. usually at driving and paying for groceries because i think thats some of the areas which i can put 100% of my efforts. groceries just need a card swipe tho lol.

i sometimes envy those "normal" guys who adapt easily to fatherhood. or those "normal" guys who are naturally family leaders who take control of any household decision or make up house rules and dont back off from them. read: alpha−males.

but at the same time i'm blessed that i have such a supporting wife. she's always understanding and very thoughtful at every aspect of our small family, although bossy at times. i can't express how much i feel grateful for her. i dont believe there has been a day that has passed where i haven't apologized to her over anything. maybe its something that i do unconsciously to make up for the shortcomings that i have for her.

as for azad, i'm pretty sure you'll be fine. i just hope we don't spoil you. you're so big now! just 3 months and you're 7kg!

i'll do my best to lead the both of you.

yes we'll have obstacles along the way. we might have indifferences over which color the curtains should be, which school bag azad should use, whether or not azad should listen to vocaloid, etc.

but i'm pretty sure we'll work it out together. without having episodes that could be on extreme parenting, hopefully.

insyaAllah.

thanks dear for the birthday treat(s) and wishes.

and thanks to everyone else for the level ups and +1's.

happy 31st birthday.